Just don't get it.

Why is it right when you think everything is going great, life throws a wrench
in it and fucks it all up?
I miss my husband.
I miss him being around.
I miss him sleeping next to me.
I miss him being here for me to talk to.
This use to be so easy...but the more I spend time by myself the worse things
get. I'm the strong one that doesn't care, that nothing can touch. I'm the one that gets what she wants and never cares what the consequences are. Nothing bothers me...so why now? Why is this fucking my head up?

I wish I could forget....but I can't. How do you put things behind you that have just rocked your world and made it an almost unbareable place to live? How do you get out of bed each day? I've been here before. When Michael and I split...it took me forever to get over that.
Do things really happen for a reason?
How in the hell could something like this happen? Really?
It's getting harder and harder to push it down and keep it there. Things keep popping up reminding me of the hurt the hummilation.
I just can't believe that God would allow this to happen...to me as a child.
What good came from that? And why now is this shit happening again, why are these memories flooding back.

I've felt this way before.

I've been in bed most of the day. Sick, fever chills and feeling sorry for myself.

God...I need a bag of chocolate and a pint of ice cream.

A New Year

So, it's a New Year once again. Nothing special to tell at the moment. We are just here being us. Garrett start B-ball again this week. Morgan is wanting to do Gymnastics...which I think I found a place that will be perfect for her...and since gas is down...may we can do that for her until Soccer season starts.
So we shall see how things go.
Kirtus is still home. It is so nice having him here. The kids are so happy and seem to be more adjusted and it really feels like a real family.
Well, I will be taking my tree down this weekend. I hate taking my tree down. But, well...Christmas is over. I didn't do much Christmas decorating this year. Just the tree and my banister, and I put a cute little elf on my door. I don't know...I just wasn't much into the Christmas spirit this year.
Well...there is a lot of work we are planning on doing this year...new fence, finish out the attic to give us a room for storage and possible office room for me. Planning on also updating our landscaping...we have to finish somethings in the back hard.
Well...I guess that's all for now.
Have a GREAT Year...hopefully I'll blog again soon.

Man it's been awhile

WOW looking at this I haven't posted anything since October and here we are almost Thanksgiving. Well, I've been busy...getting to work, getting kids to school, cleaning house,the yard...there is barely a second for me these days. The entire first month of November my kids have been sick. Really bad stomach flu. The first week it hit Morgan, 2nd week it hit Garrett. Now I think I'm getting it.
Kirtus is home Saturday night. I'm so excited. I can finally get a small break, sleep in on Sunday. Ahhhhh....heaven!
Tonight is GL's basketball practice. I'm so excited. He is excited. We were on the waiting list and now...looks like we get to actually be on a team. This will keep him busy until Soccer. Feburary is going to be busy busy. Morgan's B-day is ont he 10th and then Garrett starts his Micro Training twice a week...thank god it's on Friday and Saturday nights. Then in March we have Disneyworld trip, then Soccer season starts for both...GL will be going to Soccer two night during weeknight and then Saturday games and Saturday night practice. Morgan will have Thursday night practice and Soccer game on Saturday. yeah...it is going to be crazy.
I'm moving Garrett over to a different league. It's more like what they have in the Dallas area. Well....in some areas...it's where they take the parents out of the game. What I mean by that..is that the coach is not a parent...he is a paid professional. And , it's still about having fun and learning Soccer. But, focuses on learning the game. We've been having issues the past 3 seasons with Parent Coaches not wanting to play Garrett because he runs up the score. What I mean by that is...every time he touches the ball...he scores. He has done really well this year playing an acutally position, but they purposely did not let him play a "forward" position just to keep the score down. I'm not complaining. I like the team he is on .... and if I were another parent I probably wouldn't want Garrett on my team either. But, Garrett's skill and understanding of the game is a bit more advanced and so...it's time to move on.
Of course, I didn't make the move without asking Garrett. We went and watched a few games and spoke to some coaches and they let him play at one of their practices...and they said he was right where he needs to be at this age. But, needs more basic skills and understanding of the game.
Sounds sort of silly for a 7 year old huh? I guess you have to know my son...he lives Soccer, eats it and breathes it. It's all he talks about...well..that and football. Every night when we come home he is outside practicing...inside he plays, one night I caught him asleep with the soccer ball in bed with him.
So, if my son wasn't this way...obviously I wouldn't be trying to find the best situation for him. However, if it ever gets to the point where he isn't having fun...we are stopping. I'm worried that he will get burned out...so Basketball this winter...maybe it will be a good stress reliever for him.
This early spring is going to be a first for us....we will see if he can handle it.
Well, I've been X-mas shopping and Birthday hunting as well. We are going to hold back a little this X-mas...due to the economy and well...we are going to WDW next year...so want to save a little bit more. The kids have plenty as it is...so we are getting a Bike for GL and Morgan...I haven't decided yet. Maybe a doll house??? I dont' know...they both have way way way too many toys.

Well...that's pretty much it for now.

Later days

update

Well, it's almost Halloween. I love this time of year. GL and ML are still playing soccer and well...my husband is gone again. It's hard without him an raising two kids on my own...but I"m not complaining.
My sister just adopted a baby girl...Journey. She is precious. I'm finally an Aunt. Auntie D is my name. and that is prounced...for all you non southerns' or should I say non East Texans...Ant-E yep...that's what I said. Auntie D.
Well...I can't wait to see that little girl and spoil her rotten. My kids can't wait to see their first cousin either.
So...here are some posts of Journey...Morgan in her butterfuly outfit and Garrett in his King Narnia outfit.

The Storm and The Wings

Both kids played Soccer today.
Morgan's game was at 9:00 am. It was perfect day for Soccer.
Morgan didn't score this time...but she almost did.
She had a great time. There are two other girls on her team and they are
like the three muskeeters. What's even cooler is that both girs will be going to
Morgan's elementary school next year. God help them and us!
It is so much fun watching her play Soccer. She's not as into it has her brother is...but she says she is having fun. So, for now it's all good. I'm sure she won't want to play next year...but you never know.
Garrett however scored three goals. High scorer of the game.
In case your wondering...I never brag on him where he can hear me. ;)
He's got a big enough head as it is. But, he does have a lot of raw talent, but he's already talking about not wanting to play next year. Which is fine with me, he says he wants to play football and basketball. I don't care as long as he is happy.
But, he sure is good at Soccer...and it sure does take all that energy out of him.

After Soccer we went and had lunch and off to Schertzfest! Listened to some music, saw some Disney characters, did some face painting, and then back home for dinner. They have fire works tonight at midnigt, but I just don't think we can make it. Well...I could...but the kids and Kirtus can't.

Okay...something else that has been happening in my life is that I've lost 45 lbs. Yes. I can't believe it myself...but I started walking in the morning and doing Wii fit. I had it a plauteu for about a month and decided to do Weight Watchers because my company is paying for it. So...after 2 weeks I've lost an additional 10 lbs for a total of 45 since I really got serious about this stuff.
My short term goal is to loose 23 lbs and I'm 1/2 there. Next goal is to be down to 160 by March 15, 2009. We are going to Disney World. We had to move our vacation because my husband will not be home. That's okay...as long as we go.
After my vacation I will be really working hard on loosing an additonal 30 - 35 lbs to get down to 125 to 130 lbs., for my 10 year reunion. I can't wait.
I have found a ton of my old elementary school and middle school friends on facebook and I'm totally addicted again to facebook and myspace.
I got home from time to time and we all get together for drinks and dinner. Catch up on what's going on and of course gossip. ;)
These girls were the best friends I had growing up and it is really fun getting together with them two and three times a year.
If I lived closer I'm sure it would be much more often. But, I'm not so lucky.

Well...that's the update on my busy and fulfilling life

My husband leaves monday...and things will suck for about 3 months...but it's all good!

The Storm 1st Game U7

Garrett's team changed their name to The Storm. He has moved up to U7. Which means..there is now 4 on the field instead of 3. So, his team gained two more players. It's a little different play now. They actually play with two forwards, 1 mid fielder and 1 defender (guards the goal) No goalie...no hands on the ball yet. Our league does things a little different than what others do. they start out with 3 on 3 and then move up to 4 on 4 and then up to 6 on 6 and then up from there. They want to give kids a chance to play, learn and have fun on the field. Now...if Garrett still loves to play when he get older, we can try out for a select team here in town. That is U10. But, we will deal with that when we come to it.
Right now...he is having a blast...just out there running around with his friends.
He scored 2 points. And they won their Game 5 to 3.

Morgan's first Soccer Game

Don't they look cute!!!
She had a blast! She didn't score...but that's okay. She loved being out there with her friends and had a blast running around. I asked her at the end if she had fun. And she said, Mom I love to play Soccer, just like Garrett.
I just love this age.

First Day of First Grade

I missed Garrett's first day of first grade.
But, I think dad did pretty good at getting him ready for that
exciting day. Garrett's new teacher is Mrs. Tash. He is doing
very well this year. Nothing like the drama of last year. I'm
so pleased and very proud of him. His teacher requests that he reads 20 mins. every night. They also have a really good reward system in he class that rewards good behavior to all not just the girls.
He is having a blast.