Just don't get it.

Why is it right when you think everything is going great, life throws a wrench
in it and fucks it all up?
I miss my husband.
I miss him being around.
I miss him sleeping next to me.
I miss him being here for me to talk to.
This use to be so easy...but the more I spend time by myself the worse things
get. I'm the strong one that doesn't care, that nothing can touch. I'm the one that gets what she wants and never cares what the consequences are. Nothing bothers me...so why now? Why is this fucking my head up?

I wish I could forget....but I can't. How do you put things behind you that have just rocked your world and made it an almost unbareable place to live? How do you get out of bed each day? I've been here before. When Michael and I split...it took me forever to get over that.
Do things really happen for a reason?
How in the hell could something like this happen? Really?
It's getting harder and harder to push it down and keep it there. Things keep popping up reminding me of the hurt the hummilation.
I just can't believe that God would allow this to happen...to me as a child.
What good came from that? And why now is this shit happening again, why are these memories flooding back.

I've felt this way before.

I've been in bed most of the day. Sick, fever chills and feeling sorry for myself.

God...I need a bag of chocolate and a pint of ice cream.